God Met Me in the Sadness

Oh friends....it has been SO hard being unemployed & looking for a job. It's like a heavy weight I've been carrying around that just never lets up. I had a little breakdown 2 nights ago.

Of course, this breakdown happened late at night....**always be aware that your defenses are down late at night & that's when satan likes to enlarge any fears that you have.**

So I'm crying & can't go to sleep. My mind just keeps telling me over & over again FAILURE. FAILURE. FAILURE. We wouldn't be so tight financially if I had a job. We might already have a place by now if I had a job. Paul wouldn't feel the pressure & strain if I had a job. Well, as you can see, my mind was running away with me...& it succeeded. For that night.

I awake the next morning. Go to my father-in-law's office to work for the day. It's lunch time. I get a call from Paul. He says that the National Guard job...that I have been waiting practically 6 months for....has opened up & I needed to send in my resume in ASAP. I rush home to send it in. This is good job news #1.

Good job news #2: As I'm pulling into the driveway, my father-in-law is pulling out. He stops to tell me that the Court House job that I've been waiting months for is hiring me within the next 2 weeks. Aaaandddd that I'll be working in Teen Court. Helloooo...teens are who I have a heart for.

Ok, so the most amazing part of this story is not the 2 jobs that I want finally opening up. It's the fact that God met me right where I was at. God met me in the sadness. The breakdown the night before did not happen because I was trusting Him...it was because I was NOT trusting Him. And God didn't have to do anything to encourage me, cause I really didn't deserve it.

But instead, my Creator showed me, in the most obvious way, He cares about me & has this whole job thing in His hands. Even if both these jobs fall through (which no doubt would be sad), He has made it known to me that I MUST trust Him & that He completely has me. He showed so much grace & love to me that I don't deserve.

It's still going to have to make an intentional effort to continue to trust Him. But how great is it that He cares what's going on in my life!

Queen of Not Following Through on Projects

Ok, so it's been too long since I've last updated this blog. In sum, Paul & I were really busy this summer! I've gotten to know alot of awesome people at HighPoint & the youth are amazing.

Still living with the in-laws. Not bad, but oh I miss the privacy & complete freedom of our own place. I am so grateful for their generosity & they can be quite entertaining at times. We are seemingly playing games in trying to buy this townhouse. So frustrating I tell you...short sale my booty!

Paul started seminary classes & seems to really enjoy it. He has a butt load of reading to do, which I don't envy. I'm seeing that I could not be a seminary student....I'm not the greatest student or intellectual.

Job status: Unemployed. Gosh that sounds so bad! I often struggle with feelings of failure in trying to find a job. I'm either over-qualified or under-qualified. Orrr they just aren't hiring. I put in my application last week to CHS (organization I worked for in Orlando) & I'm applying to a center for runaway youth. I can't seem to get away from the social work thing, so maybe the Lord really wants me there.

I miss my friends back in Orlando. Whenever I see that they are hanging out or having a great time, I'm secretly jealous & sad. Guess that's not much of a secret, but not many people read my blog haha.

God has really been working on me. It's been really hard & I'm still transitioning & working through alot since the move. I'm learning obedience through these experiences...but even greater...I am getting closer to my Creator. And THAT is what has been motivating me. Shu, I'm not perfect & I mess up...alot...but God is so cool & amazing to experience!

Funny story though: We took the students to Rock the Universe & it was 6 hrs at Islands of Adventure & 8 hrs at Universal. I now appreciate my youth pastor growing up & the adult chaperons...cause that's some tiring stuff! It was a blast though. Anyway, I was hanging with 4-5 other youth girls when one of the workers of the event came up to us. She guessed each of their grades & hit it right on the head with each one. She came to me & guessed 18 years old...she would've guessed younger too if she hadn't noticed I was wearing the chaperon wrist band. HA! Guess that's why the youth get along with me....I'm practically one of them. Hence even more why Paul rocks it as their Youth Leader :).

So I know this wasn't deep, profound, or funny.....but I had to update this poor blog of mine. I'll leave you with this thought that has been lingering on my mind:

"Jesus was a walking defining moment. His interactions with people rarely left them unchanged. He stirred things up & shook people's wrong ideas of God. He made heroes out of the most unlikely people & challenged thinking & lifestyles.
Jesus was alot of things. Sweet & nice aren't 2 of them.
Similar to a Warhead candy, the real Jesus shakes you awake to see that what God wants for you is so much more wonderful than what you are willing to settle for in the name of a 'sweet & nice' religion."