Me Casa es Su Casa

The bank accepted our offer on this house! We had the home inspection yesterday and it went off without a hitch. Now onto all the paperwork and work on getting our mortgage. I had to go dig in our storage unit last night for my W2s and tax returns that are required for the mortgage. Man, I need to be way more organized with my life papers. It would be so much more easier and less stressful haha.

I must take this moment to express how proud I am of all the work my husband has been doing in this job hunt. He has put so much focus, time, and effort into it. I do not know what I would do without him as a husband and my best friend.

And this is our sweet backyard. Perfect for parties, football, nieces and nephews, doggies, and even little Paul and Karis' one day :).

Vent-tation

I might need some input on this blog friends.

Friendship. There are a myriad of descriptions and emotions that go towards friendships. Sometimes I wish I wasn't a female, because us females tend to get hurt and upset easier in their friendships.

However, what if you were the only one being a friend in a friendship? And didn't realize for quite some time that the other person didn't really deep down care about you as their friend? I guess it's difficult to really judge this as to be truth, but actions speak louder than words. Don't they?

Thing is, I still don't and will never stop caring about this person that I am obviously, subtly writing about. Friendships are kinda like dating relationships. In that, it feels like a break up sometimes when friendships end. Am I alone in feeling this way?

Ok, I'll give more specifics. I've known this friend for a really long time. We were super close for a while quite some time ago. At one point, this friend knew me more than anyone else in the world. I loved being around and with this person. She is full of life. But even when we weren't close, that never stopped how much we cared for each other. So I thought.

Then again, I must not leave out the fact that I have not been perfect as a friend either. In college, I know I was way too pushy & harsh about this friend needing more God in her life. I actually cringe when I think back to how I was. I was judgemental and not focusing on her heart, instead her mere actions. I said some hurtful things along the way. Not to excuse my behavior, but to make you understand.....I was growing alot in my own walk with the Lord at the time and was kinda like a baby Christian who was on fire for God but didn't have the grace and understanding of a more wise follower of Christ.

So what brings on this blog of ventation (I know, I made up the word) is that I was looking at my friend's wedding pictures on FB tonight. Her wedding was yesterday and I was not there. I thought I was completely okay and understanding about not being there. I understand that it was a very small backyard kinda wedding. But when I looked through the pictures....my heart completely sank. I wasn't prepared for such emotions to be honest.

Feelings of anger emerged. But honestly I'm not angry, I'm hurt. Couldn't an extra chair have been squeezed in? I know, that's silly and I definitely understand the expense of weddings. So that's a lame argument of mine. The thing that is the most frustrating...I can't do anything about this lack of friendship and I can't do anything about me continuing to care so much for this person.

That's life I guess. Friends do come and go in our lives. But it's the ones that I have heart strings attached to that are the hardest to let go of for me. I've always had a hard time letting go of friendships that have abruptly ended, slowly changed, or that have just melted into space and time.

I guess over time, I have come to truly value my long-time friends and my family far greater than I EVER have before. I understand that God has it all, but it's frustrating, really frustrating when I have no control over the people I love the most in my life and them loving me back.

In ending, I know I'm not the best at picking up a phone and calling my friends I really care about. But friends, I really really love you and care so much about you. I may mess up. I may do or say stupid things. I may leave you feeling forgotten or not cared about. And I'm really sorry if I've ever left you feeling that way. My long-distance communication skills are not up to par. But I love you. I think about you more than you know. I'm just a silly human female who may not always be the perfect friend, but you mean the world to me.

LECRAE

So my awesome sister sent me Lecrae's new cd. For those of you who don't know who that is....he's a really good Christian rapper. I highly recommend you check him out cause he's pretty legit, meaning not a corny Christian rapper.

I've been listening to his lyrics for the past 2 weeks and they have been super encouraging. Therefore, I would like to pass on the encouragement. This verse is from the song You Can Do it Too.

You see Satan usues guilt to strip away our hope
He shows us our mistakes & tells us we're a joke
I used to sit & mope like what's the point in all
If I'm a Christian how come everyday I fall
But I ain't know that all my sins were nailed upon the cross
I found this out in chapter 2 in the book of Colossians

See the devil's a liar, yeah he's an accuser
He tells me I'm worthless, he says I'm a loser
But not I refuse to let him lead me wrong
Reading the Word in the morn got me feeling strong
I found my worth in Christ & I'm pursuing truth
A living testimony so you can do it too

I'm not going to be wordy & let the lyrics speak for themselves. Check out Lecrae.

Ninja Kicks

We went camping out at Hannah Park this weekend with some families from our church. Great little get-away. Last night, we went for a stroll on the beach under the full moon. "I like long walks on the beach....." ::said in a romantic sing song voice::

Anyways, some of the college students that were there with us came up to us about 10 minutes into our stroll. They had left their shoes, cellphone & outer wear (had bathing suits underneath) on the beach for a few moments & they were stolen. P.S. College students....I'm not one anymore! Sad day. But I digress. To make a long story short we drove around in my Element searching for these 2 inebriated guys who were the likely robber candidates. We didn't find them, but good times!

My point in this blog entry is that after this excursion the students apologized for interrupting our romantic stroll on the beach. That's when I realized it....that was not a romantic stroll on the beach. Moments before they came, my husband was doing nija kicks, making the appropriate sound effects, & sporting a headband.

I know chick flicks make it out to be that all us women want is a super romantic guy. Now, my husband does show his romantic side every once in a while. But I love it when he is totally himself with me...he is the goofiest when he is the most comfortable & relaxed.

So you women out there who are hopeless romantics: Don't let go of romance being important. But don't overlook a man who is being totally himself around you. THAT is a whole new kind of romance that can be easily discounted.

Beginnings & Endings

This past week I experienced the possibility of new beginnings.

I had 2 job interviews. One with Children's Home Society & the other through the National Guard Youth Program. God is good because I rocked both of the interviews! It was totally God because I needed this encouragement for 2 reasons. (1) To see He had the whole situation in His hands (2) To encourage me for when I received some disheartening news later on.


The interview with CHS went amazing. I wasn't nervous at all. I knew exactly what I was talking about & was confident. My confidence rubbed off on the director so much so that she thought I should apply for a Supervisor position there. As much of a compliment this was, I am not ready for such an undertaking in the child welfare system. So much to say....I got the job (not at supervisor). I am awaiting my start date.

The interview with the National Guard went very well too. Except I was EXTREMELY nervous. I was shaking & my heart was racing the morning of the interview. Mom was so great because she prayed alot with me & encouraged me to help with the nerves. God brought some of the most amazing words to my mouth during that interview (ask me about the giant squid analogy). I did drop the ball on showing my knowledge of the National Guard....which I had studied alot about. I totally froze at that question.

Now, 2 days after that interview I found out that I didn't get the National Guard job. Which was a major bummer. It went to a more experienced candidate. But the guy who got me interview was very encouraging & gave me great feed back.

I hung up the phone & pretty much fell apart. Not because I didn't get this job...which I was really sad about....but because that meant I officially was going to have to work at CHS. I started hyperventilating! I was shocked at this reaction. I learned some really valuable things while at CHS in Osceola County & don't regret working there, but it was the hardest, most stressful job ever.

God has been working on me. Let's just say that. He's been showing me to stop putting Him in a box. To stop placing my expectations of who He is & what He can & cannot do.

I've gone through alot of beginnings & endings the past 4 months. I just finished reading a book by Nancy Ortberg called "Looking for God". She had a little bit to say about beginnings & endings:




"Beginnings hold the promise of hope, the expectation of the new & fresh. God is in the beginnings. 'In the beginning God created......' one of the ultimate acts of hope. When we create or when we participate in beginnings, we sense God. Beginnings give us clarity around the simple things that loom most important.

Endings teach us how to begin, what we should center our lives upon, & what is really important. Life has to be grounded in things that can never die, can't be stolen, & can't get taken away. Endings have a purifying effect. Endings strip us down to what is real."

This only confirms why I feel God in each of my transitions. He has created each beginning & ending.

But, you know what's even cooler about this beginning & ending stuff?

"The steadfast love of the Lord NEVER ceases; his mercies NEVER come to an end. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness. 'The Lord is my portion', says my soul, 'therefore I will have hope in Him." ~Lamentations 3:22-24

God Met Me in the Sadness

Oh friends....it has been SO hard being unemployed & looking for a job. It's like a heavy weight I've been carrying around that just never lets up. I had a little breakdown 2 nights ago.

Of course, this breakdown happened late at night....**always be aware that your defenses are down late at night & that's when satan likes to enlarge any fears that you have.**

So I'm crying & can't go to sleep. My mind just keeps telling me over & over again FAILURE. FAILURE. FAILURE. We wouldn't be so tight financially if I had a job. We might already have a place by now if I had a job. Paul wouldn't feel the pressure & strain if I had a job. Well, as you can see, my mind was running away with me...& it succeeded. For that night.

I awake the next morning. Go to my father-in-law's office to work for the day. It's lunch time. I get a call from Paul. He says that the National Guard job...that I have been waiting practically 6 months for....has opened up & I needed to send in my resume in ASAP. I rush home to send it in. This is good job news #1.

Good job news #2: As I'm pulling into the driveway, my father-in-law is pulling out. He stops to tell me that the Court House job that I've been waiting months for is hiring me within the next 2 weeks. Aaaandddd that I'll be working in Teen Court. Helloooo...teens are who I have a heart for.

Ok, so the most amazing part of this story is not the 2 jobs that I want finally opening up. It's the fact that God met me right where I was at. God met me in the sadness. The breakdown the night before did not happen because I was trusting Him...it was because I was NOT trusting Him. And God didn't have to do anything to encourage me, cause I really didn't deserve it.

But instead, my Creator showed me, in the most obvious way, He cares about me & has this whole job thing in His hands. Even if both these jobs fall through (which no doubt would be sad), He has made it known to me that I MUST trust Him & that He completely has me. He showed so much grace & love to me that I don't deserve.

It's still going to have to make an intentional effort to continue to trust Him. But how great is it that He cares what's going on in my life!

Queen of Not Following Through on Projects

Ok, so it's been too long since I've last updated this blog. In sum, Paul & I were really busy this summer! I've gotten to know alot of awesome people at HighPoint & the youth are amazing.

Still living with the in-laws. Not bad, but oh I miss the privacy & complete freedom of our own place. I am so grateful for their generosity & they can be quite entertaining at times. We are seemingly playing games in trying to buy this townhouse. So frustrating I tell you...short sale my booty!

Paul started seminary classes & seems to really enjoy it. He has a butt load of reading to do, which I don't envy. I'm seeing that I could not be a seminary student....I'm not the greatest student or intellectual.

Job status: Unemployed. Gosh that sounds so bad! I often struggle with feelings of failure in trying to find a job. I'm either over-qualified or under-qualified. Orrr they just aren't hiring. I put in my application last week to CHS (organization I worked for in Orlando) & I'm applying to a center for runaway youth. I can't seem to get away from the social work thing, so maybe the Lord really wants me there.

I miss my friends back in Orlando. Whenever I see that they are hanging out or having a great time, I'm secretly jealous & sad. Guess that's not much of a secret, but not many people read my blog haha.

God has really been working on me. It's been really hard & I'm still transitioning & working through alot since the move. I'm learning obedience through these experiences...but even greater...I am getting closer to my Creator. And THAT is what has been motivating me. Shu, I'm not perfect & I mess up...alot...but God is so cool & amazing to experience!

Funny story though: We took the students to Rock the Universe & it was 6 hrs at Islands of Adventure & 8 hrs at Universal. I now appreciate my youth pastor growing up & the adult chaperons...cause that's some tiring stuff! It was a blast though. Anyway, I was hanging with 4-5 other youth girls when one of the workers of the event came up to us. She guessed each of their grades & hit it right on the head with each one. She came to me & guessed 18 years old...she would've guessed younger too if she hadn't noticed I was wearing the chaperon wrist band. HA! Guess that's why the youth get along with me....I'm practically one of them. Hence even more why Paul rocks it as their Youth Leader :).

So I know this wasn't deep, profound, or funny.....but I had to update this poor blog of mine. I'll leave you with this thought that has been lingering on my mind:

"Jesus was a walking defining moment. His interactions with people rarely left them unchanged. He stirred things up & shook people's wrong ideas of God. He made heroes out of the most unlikely people & challenged thinking & lifestyles.
Jesus was alot of things. Sweet & nice aren't 2 of them.
Similar to a Warhead candy, the real Jesus shakes you awake to see that what God wants for you is so much more wonderful than what you are willing to settle for in the name of a 'sweet & nice' religion."

Abordinginals

I have been doing some "soul searching" this past month amongst the many life changes. Tonight, I was looking over old Facebook photos I posted...kinda in a memory lane mood. I came across this picture posted here. Yes, a little crazy and confusing. My little (but not so little anymore) sister, K, came to visit me in Orlando when I was going to UCF. She spent the night with me and this is what ending up happening. We were fully in character mode: Abordiginies who wanted to kill each other.

So, this is the part of me that I feel has faded...alot. Maybe it's me being overly critical, but I know it's at least partially true.

It's like I can be 2 very different people sometimes.

#1: Very talkative, full of life, thinking of funny/goofy things to do. Very interested in the people in my life. Wanting to be very intentional with my friendships. Not caring or afraid of what others think about me. Confident in who I am.

Then there's #2: Shy, quiet, not knowing what to say in many circumstances. Introverted. I say introverted because I get caught up in thinking about myself over thinking about others. Questioning myself about liking who I am.

Ok so that was a little more sharing of personal stuff than I planned :). Anyways, I have spent some time with the Lord on this, and will be doing so for a while I'm sure. But I know that #2 is NOT me. I know I'm not the super outgoing, super funny person that my amazing husband is...and that's okay, but I do know that I'm not that shy, introvert that rears its head often.

I realized that I NEED to be looking to the Lord everyday so that I can be myself through Him. It's kinda "back to the basics", but it's something He's teaching me right now.

Anyways, with the Lord, I'm gonna try to bring back the CRAY CRAY!

I Can Sell Ice to an Eskimo

As you may know, I am on the job hunt at the moment. Not easy, but the Lord is teaching me a lot through it. I had an interview on Tuesday through a career college for a job involving admissions.

I show up and there are 4 other women there with the same interview time and for the same position. Hello!! It is now a group interview! Never done one of those. So my heart palpatations...which were normal...then went on a little sprint.

There were 2 older, black ladies...which were both really nice and enjoyable to talk to. An older, white lady and another girl who was about my age. "Ok, Karis, you can do this," I thought to myself. I was wearing my Calvin Clein black career dress and my nude pumps, so that certainly was a helpful boost of confidence.

Our potential boss was the only one interviewing us, and he seemed to be very knowledgeable and experienced in his line of work. He was intimidating, but I have to say that is good for me...that's when I'm pushed to excell more when under pressure.

He proceded to describe in detail the job and expectations. In sum, it was a sales job with a tiny portion of counseling. "Ok," I'm thinking, "I'm not exactly the sales person type, but I think I could do this job." He asked us 4-5 questions and we all had a minute each to answer...however, most took more over that 1 minute.

The funniest part of the night to me was the older, white lady. She had the voice of a 10+ year smoker and thought she was the world's greatest sales lady. I thought she was very nice and fun to listen to, but when she was asked why she thought she'd be good for the job she responded..."I can sell ice to an eskimo! I am an awesome sales person and can sell anything to anyone! You want 200 calls a day...boom! You got 400 calls a day from me!" Let's just say I had to really focus on what contortions I was turning my face into at that moment.

Oh but the sad part of the interview came right at the end. "If you were the manager and had to chose one of you here for the job, not yourself, who would it be?"

Every one of the other ladies was chosen with a good reason why....besides me.

But, it's ok, I know I'm not exactly a sure fit for sales. I'm too nicey nicey. It was a great learning experience though!

Out of the Mouth of Father-in-Law

You know it hasn't been bad living with Paul's parents. Sometimes there are interesting things that arise from it. Such as the other night....

Paul and I were laying on the bed in our room with the lights out while I was talking to my mom on the phone, catching up with her. Paul's dad walks in and says "Oh you scared me for a second...all I saw were asses and elbows!" Then he closed the door and left.

Let's just say Paul and I could not stop laughing.

Mini Breakdowns are Good, Right?

In the words of one of my favs, Beth Moore: "Without faith it is impossible to please Him. And if we even have half a heart for God, He's likely to shake our perimeters and stir up a little excitement."


Man, the last thing I want is to miss the great adventures He has mapped out for me by shrinking back from a walk of faith!

All this being said, why is it that I still manage to have mini breakdowns like the one I had last night? I have been asking the Lord to challenge my faith and push the comfort zone boundaries. Well, He's done that by having us move and start a very different life here. I am so growing closer to Him through it, but it's still really hard.


I miss the comfortableness that I had in Orlando. Friends, home, usual weekend activities, knowing how to get to places without Mapquesting it. And even having a job...not that the job I had was easy. But it was what I was used to.


Don't get me wrong, being comfortable is not a bad thing. In fact, the Lord gives us periods in our life where we are very comfortable. However, comfort can have a lazy effect on my faith after a while. Hence, all the transitions now that are challenging and growing my faith.


Paul and I went to a sweet Senior Retreat at a lakehouse this past weekend. Had ALOT of fun tubing, being out on a boat, playing around, etc. The group of people were awesome and fun to be around. The last night we were there we had Communion out on the dock and had time to talk to God. I was looking up at the awesome stars and I remembered all of a sudden how the Lord is my Teacher. And how I adore it when He is teaching me the wonders of His Word. That's what He's doing with all these new transitions in my life. Teaching me.


Paul and I went to the beach on Saturday and we saw a dad teaching his little daughter how to surf. It was so adorable to see. She had little swimmies on, looked a little scared, but seemed to feel safe out in the waves with her dad. The dad didn't expect her to learn right away, but was getting her acclimated to the waves and surf. And that's what God's doing with me right now. He's going to get me through these transitions, but also wants me to learn through them.


So I'd have to say that my mini breakdown last night was actually a good human relief that was needed. It didn't mean I regret this move or didn't want to be here. I know this is where God wants us. Just needed a good old fashioned cry :).

Good ol Roy

In my struggle to find motivation for hunting for a job, I have been spending some sweet time with the Lord. I've also been running the past 3 days. Can I say rough runs?! My legs are feeling heavy, my stamina hates me & the run has not been feeling good. I have been forcing myself to run.

Paul & I went for a walk with his parent's dog, Roy yesterday evening. Roy is one of those good dogs that you can take on a walk without a leash & he stays right by you the whole time. He doesn't go down any streets unless we lead for him to go and he's looking up at us alot through the walk.

Then it hit me, I have been spending good time with the Lord lately, but I have not been following His every lead..I have not been looking to Him enough. Instead of making God just a part of my life...He needs to BE my life.

Leave it to a dog to show you about how you're walking with the Lord :).

Orange Park Yo

Paul & I packed all our belongings in a Uhaul truck & left Orlando...home to me for the past 6 years. Very bitter sweet I must say.

We drove 55 mph all the way to Orange Park..which is in Jacksonville for those of you who don't know. Btw, 55 mph was not an easy feat for me..I tend to have a case of lead foot syndrom.

We were welcomed by his exciting family when we arrived & Paul's dad cooked some goodness on the grill. It still had not dawned on me that we were not just visiting.

We woke up the next day...early. Uhh, I had been going non-stop for 3 days packing & scrubbing & I had to get up at 6 AM. Not. Fun. We unloaded all the stuff in the Uhaul into a storage facility. Ok, now that may have been alot of work, but there was some entertainment along the way....

Paul's dad helped us out, which was great cause we needed it. But Paul knew that his method of unloading was the best. His dad knew that his own method of unloading was the best. Annnnd of course these were 2 entirely different methods. Can we say that there were some clashing? Instead of finding this annoying I chose to see the humor in it. And boy was it funny!

I had an awesome suprise too that morning! We had the majority of the unloading done and up walks 2 of my best Orlando friends! Schmandi & Steph! They drove up to hang out with me all day...how awesome is that?!

Paul was such a good husband & let me go without finishing up & eat some good CrackerBarrel with the ladies. He pretty much rocks.

We had a girls shopping day: I got a sweet new purse & some other unmentionables :). Then we came back to the house & they helped me unpack all our clothes and put them away. My ladies are AWESOME.

So, that's a sum of the beginning of our new life here :).

Did I mention that we are living with his parents until we get our own place......